Two More Poems

Here are two more poems I wrote that I’d like to share. The first one attempts to explain my passion for mathematics and how mathematicians look upon their work. The second one explains a deepened flaw that I have and am slowly improving upon. I will elaborate on it in my next post and, as always, show how it affects my autistic life.

A Rare Joy

There is almost nothing in his room
Nothing modern of any sort
No computer, no calculator
He has even discarded his old slide-rule

Instead, only piles of paper await him
With a pecil or two at hand
A book maybe but only for reference
He usually relies on his own mind

His room has but one window in it,
Which looks out into pure nature
He has no contact withany others
With the possible exception of his own kind

His used papers have nothing
Except for numbers and abstract symbols
Many look down at them in confusion
Only a rare fw see Nature’s beauty in them

He does not care wht use
His numbers andabstract symbols will be.
He only sees them as an ar form
And it brings in him a pure joy

 

Preserving Perfecto

I crave for approval from all of you
Criticisms I cannot stand
I don’t care how close we are
Nothing but praise is what I demand

I have high expectations for myself
I will continuously raise the bar
And strive to be right at the top
I am terrified of being merely on par

This is why you can’t compete with me
I am driven insane by this obsession
I am like a bomb about to go off
In every single life occupation

If I am a university student,
What is the time I dread most?
Unless my exams go perfectly
I worry and believe I am toast

I’m climbing the flagpole with intense effort
Look out everyone, here I come
I sure hope no one’s going to pass me
Every potential success I will not succumb

While I may want a high success rate
Being perfect is not my true desire
Simply unconditional love and approval
Without the effort of trying to go higher

While trying to be perfect can be bad
Not all of it is of a disadvantage
It’s what drives me and gives me motivation
So a part of it is good and helps me manage.

But is all of it really worth it?
I think I have myself tied in one huge knot
So instead of preserving all the perfecto
I will slowly let go and let a lot of it rot.

The Ultimate Test

Here is another poem I wrote. It’s somewhat similar though also somewhat different than my first poem A Foreign Autistic World. This time I tell of an experience in my life that certainly has been impacted by my autism, but is an experience that a lot of people, autistic and neurotypical, can relate to.

Even though I’ve always been single, I’ve wanted a girlfriend for several years now. I view romantic relationships as being the most challenging and the most difficult relationships to establish with someone else. You aren’t asking someone else to be friends, you’re asking more than that. And for me being autistic and having difficulty establishing any kind of friendship with someone else, I view it, as the title says, as the ultimate test.

The Ultimate Test

Here is a problem a lot of us face
even though it may be easier for the rest
like any ability only some possess.
But for some of us it is the ultimate test.

I can hardly concentrate on anything else
whether it be school, work, or an activity.
All of my senses just zoom in on her
whenever she is in the vicinity.

I am eager, I am impatient.
I just want to be with her right now.
Most of the time she is inaccessible
and when I do see her I can just go wow.

When I do get a chance to talk to her
a great deal of courage is required.
And the more I don’t know her, the harder it is.
Often she slips by me not inquired.

I don’t want her for the obvious reasons
for lust and sexual yearning.
Just for someone to get emotionally close to.
Only this will build a bond of greatest burning.

I contemplate the possible reasons
why she might reject me and say no.
Maybe she’s already with someone else
or her interest in me is just too low.

And whenever she does reject me
disappointment overwhelms me and I moan.
It helps to pause and take a break from everything
and to remind myself it’s her loss not my own.

It is like a trial and error process
where each time you get a little better at it.
And you get that much closer to the right one
the one who is perfect for you and will fit.

A Foreign Autistic World

Here is a poem I wrote a couple of years ago on what living with autism is like. Any comments you have for it are well appreciated.

A Foreign Autistic World

Let me introduce you to our kind
We may seem alien or foreign at first
Or maybe just a little different
So listen and do not expect the worst

I live a life full of solitude
I cut myself off from those around me
Working alone, playing alone
This is how my natural life works you see

To you I’m classified as a loner
Social interaction is a weakness
Especially when it comes to new people
For some of us, it is a life of bleakness

And let’s not forget the other characteristics
That may be our symptoms of this condition
Routine, sameness, and language delay
And living in a world of complete self-absorption

You see some of us rocking and saying nothing
You also see some of us at university
I hear you ask what connects us
I answer the spectrum is wide in its unity

I will always be like this you know
I was always like this and there is no cure
Treatment I suppose can help
But I will always be at least a little queer

Do not take this as a negative, however
I can assure that in it there is joy
In being different, in being unique
It is what I truly enjoy

So I now ask you a question
Would you like to be my friend?
I’m sure things will work out between us
Anything that goes wrong will mend