A blog advocating autism through my own personal experiences and insights.

Posts tagged ‘Online dating service’

Fifth Level of Freedom: OMG! It Happened!

It’s certainly been a busy fourth term at the university of waterloo. I’ve been very busy with school work recently, which is why I haven’t updated for a while. But I’ve now thankfully found a little time to do so. Anyway, it’s not just been busy academically either. What’s changed? More of a social life yet again! This time there’s quite a story behind it so I’ll tell how it all happened.

Eight days after flying back to waterloo to start another term here, something very interesting happened. As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been using dating sites as a means of talking with girls. I know not everyone thinks that such means of communicating with others is that good, but I’ll tell my story how it is and let you be the judge. Of course, it’s certainly not the only means of communication I’m using to talk with others.

Out of the blue, a girl messaged me on one. Her message (as I remember it) read “I’m just going to be forward about this and say I think you’re the most adorable guy I’ve ever seen! Please message me back!”

I thought, oh wow. So we messaged each other a little on there. It turned out she was unreachable as far as physical distance though. Due to confidentiality, I can’t say anything about the girl on here, other than that she was 100 km away, but love to read and write and appreciated math! I’ll admit I was pretty amazed. And to add to the amazement, she was very pretty and actually liked me, not just in a friend way, but in a romantic way as well. We talked, we flirted (something I’ve never done before in my life), and we laughed.

We soon messaged each other on skype and then on our cell phones. We talked a lot about ourselves and our lives. I thought a miracle had happened! This girl just came into my life from out of the blue with no warning and no expectation. We texted on our cell phones daily helping each other through our days. For five and a half weeks this continued until late October. By this point, we were like the best of friends and had developed a connection I had hardly felt in my life before with anyone.

Only something happened. While we were talking a lot, I said something, well, a bit controversial. I had revealed so much to this girl by this point that was very comfortable around her and said something that she found very off-putting. I won’t go into what I said and at any rate it doesn’t matter what it was. This girl then lost interest in me.

It was more than painful. I won’t pretend otherwise. I’ve been rejected by girls before, but good gravy, this was the first time I was rejected by a girl who had actually liked me. It took a few days for it to lesson to a tolerable level and even then it was difficult to deal with. I did talk to this girl again, but we soon agreed that we should each go our separate ways. I picked myself up, dusted myself off, and I’ve been going back at life ever since.

Looking back, however, I don’t regret this experience a bit even if we weren’t meant for each other. It was good to interact with a girl in a romantic way even if it was short regardless. And if I may be a bit blunt at least now I know that there are actual girls out there who think I’m hot! The right one will follow eventually. Mind you she may take a while to show up. Why not enjoy being single and try to have fun putting myself out there in the meantime? Now that I’ve had one experience of having mutual feelings for a girl that didn’t go well, I may have others and that I realise I shouldn’t get so attached to one. Mind you, attachment is good, it’s how relationships form, but too much too fast isn’t good. Like with everything, it’s about finding a balance. I’m learning more and more as I navigate through the dating world. Let the learning continue!

And how have I been going back at life? Well, if there’s one thing this experience has taught me, it’s that it’s worth the risk to becoming more sociable. I sat at tables with undergrads I didn’t know when going to the meal hall for supper, I’ve sat down beside a girl in a coffee shop and talked to her and even spoken to girls in my zumba class. I’ve even spent a bit more time with my fellow math students. It was the above experience combined with my aunt’s advice that the social world is indeed vague and that I’m free to socialise in whatever ways suit me that have really made me get out of my comfort zone. I really can’t believe I’m doing all this! I’ve had similar experiences almost a year ago, which I tell in this post: Taking Action.

The girl that I talked with certainly helped me see the vagueness in the social world. For example, we were talking about cuddling and how she cuddled with her girlfriends and she talked about how she thought it was appropriate for a guy and a girl to cuddle even if they were just friends. I pondered this and decided to ask a few girls that I knew about such a situation. Some thought it was okay, others not. Again, just more evidence of the vaguenss of the social world. My opinion on the matter is that yeah I would definitely cuddle with a girl as long as were clear beforehand that we are just close friends and there isn’t anything romantic going on.

Combined with the second and third level of freedoms that I don’t need a girlfriend or friends to make me happy that I tell about in these posts: Second Level of Freedom, Third Level of Freedom I can now live without any fear. I used to be a person with a lot of fear and expectations of others. Now I have no expectations on anyone and the fear is gone. To this, I’ve uploaded a video on youtube that tells of my experiences living with autism: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_s1OpaVJo00&feature=youtu.be.

But all I can say with regards to this experience is OMG! It Happened!

 

A New Experience

This past week I expanded my social circle. How did I do it? Did I talk to fellow students more? Did I do things outside of school and clubs with others? Did I go into a bookstore and random chat with a girl again? No, I didn’t. Well, I went to see the movie The Hunger Games again with someone from Waterloo University’s philosophy society again last week (that movie was so good! And certainly stayed true to the book!).

But I did something even more exciting.

So what did I do? Well, a couple of posts back, I did mention that one option that I was doing to talk to people, especially girls, was going onto online dating sites. Now, in case you’re one of those people who have a stigma against such services, I suggest you hear me out before making a judgement. Anyway, I have been going onto online dating sites and I have indeed been talking to girls on them. I have even created a second Hotmail email account so that we MSN each other without my giving away any personal information right away. And so far, overall, it has been working out pretty well.

The closest girl location wise to me I’ve talked to actually lives in Guelph. There are a couple of others as well, but they don’t exactly live that close. I’ve become good friends with them and have even video chatted with two of them (including the girl from Guelph). For convenience sakes, let me call the girl from Guelph Miranda. This isn’t her real name but for obvious reasons I’m not going to say her real name (and not too much else about her for that matter). After I have been in contact with several weeks with Miranda, we both agreed that we would try to meet each other in person.

This is what I did last week. I actually met her. On Thursday to be precise. I have only one class during that day, which is logic and runs from 8:30-10. The previous evening, we set up a location to meet at in Guelph and that would be practical to bicycle to. It would about thirty kilometres away from Waterloo university, but I thought I could handle it. And to give me ample bicycling time we agree to meet at 11:45. And so at just after ten, I got on my bicycle and bicycled to Guelph and we successfully met up at the intersection at about quarter to 12.

While there wasn’t much to do in the part of Guelph we had agreed to meet she did show me around. We went to a park where we sat in a small pavilion and simply enjoyed each other’s company. We sometimes exchanged a few words back and forth, but we just saw in silence, given that we are both introverts. I found it nice actually. The long silences we shared didn’t seem all that awkward. I felt less pressure to say anything when I’m usually around people. It was nice. We then went to a subway and got some subway sandwiches to eat for lunch. We then walked around for a bit, and then spent another hour in the park. Mind you, it’s not like we didn’t talk at all. We talked about stuff that was going on in our lives, but when neither of us felt inclined to say anything, it wasn’t awkward at all. And then in the middle of the afternoon, I headed back to waterloo on my bicycle after Miranda gave me some water for my trip back.

I must admit it felt a little weird to meet someone like this, to meet someone I had absolutely no connections with (other than the internet). I wasn’t introduced to her by anyone or knew her through friend and/or family connections. If it hadn’t been for the internet, we wouldn’t have met at all and probably would’ve remained complete strangers forever. With the way the world is today with everyone leading hectic individualistic lives, it’s certainly a good solution. I’m not saying that I want to meet everyone I hang out with through the internet nor is the internet 100% safe. I’m just saying if used wisely and not obsessively that it can just be another option for meeting others. Miranda and I were both just introverts looking to expand our social circles. And now we have a good friendship.