A blog advocating autism through my own personal experiences and insights.

It’s certainly been a busy fourth term at the university of waterloo. I’ve been very busy with school work recently, which is why I haven’t updated for a while. But I’ve now thankfully found a little time to do so. Anyway, it’s not just been busy academically either. What’s changed? More of a social life yet again! This time there’s quite a story behind it so I’ll tell how it all happened.

Eight days after flying back to waterloo to start another term here, something very interesting happened. As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been using dating sites as a means of talking with girls. I know not everyone thinks that such means of communicating with others is that good, but I’ll tell my story how it is and let you be the judge. Of course, it’s certainly not the only means of communication I’m using to talk with others.

Out of the blue, a girl messaged me on one. Her message (as I remember it) read “I’m just going to be forward about this and say I think you’re the most adorable guy I’ve ever seen! Please message me back!”

I thought, oh wow. So we messaged each other a little on there. It turned out she was unreachable as far as physical distance though. Due to confidentiality, I can’t say anything about the girl on here, other than that she was 100 km away, but love to read and write and appreciated math! I’ll admit I was pretty amazed. And to add to the amazement, she was very pretty and actually liked me, not just in a friend way, but in a romantic way as well. We talked, we flirted (something I’ve never done before in my life), and we laughed.

We soon messaged each other on skype and then on our cell phones. We talked a lot about ourselves and our lives. I thought a miracle had happened! This girl just came into my life from out of the blue with no warning and no expectation. We texted on our cell phones daily helping each other through our days. For five and a half weeks this continued until late October. By this point, we were like the best of friends and had developed a connection I had hardly felt in my life before with anyone.

Only something happened. While we were talking a lot, I said something, well, a bit controversial. I had revealed so much to this girl by this point that was very comfortable around her and said something that she found very off-putting. I won’t go into what I said and at any rate it doesn’t matter what it was. This girl then lost interest in me.

It was more than painful. I won’t pretend otherwise. I’ve been rejected by girls before, but good gravy, this was the first time I was rejected by a girl who had actually liked me. It took a few days for it to lesson to a tolerable level and even then it was difficult to deal with. I did talk to this girl again, but we soon agreed that we should each go our separate ways. I picked myself up, dusted myself off, and I’ve been going back at life ever since.

Looking back, however, I don’t regret this experience a bit even if we weren’t meant for each other. It was good to interact with a girl in a romantic way even if it was short regardless. And if I may be a bit blunt at least now I know that there are actual girls out there who think I’m hot! The right one will follow eventually. Mind you she may take a while to show up. Why not enjoy being single and try to have fun putting myself out there in the meantime? Now that I’ve had one experience of having mutual feelings for a girl that didn’t go well, I may have others and that I realise I shouldn’t get so attached to one. Mind you, attachment is good, it’s how relationships form, but too much too fast isn’t good. Like with everything, it’s about finding a balance. I’m learning more and more as I navigate through the dating world. Let the learning continue!

And how have I been going back at life? Well, if there’s one thing this experience has taught me, it’s that it’s worth the risk to becoming more sociable. I sat at tables with undergrads I didn’t know when going to the meal hall for supper, I’ve sat down beside a girl in a coffee shop and talked to her and even spoken to girls in my zumba class. I’ve even spent a bit more time with my fellow math students. It was the above experience combined with my aunt’s advice that the social world is indeed vague and that I’m free to socialise in whatever ways suit me that have really made me get out of my comfort zone. I really can’t believe I’m doing all this! I’ve had similar experiences almost a year ago, which I tell in this post: Taking Action.

The girl that I talked with certainly helped me see the vagueness in the social world. For example, we were talking about cuddling and how she cuddled with her girlfriends and she talked about how she thought it was appropriate for a guy and a girl to cuddle even if they were just friends. I pondered this and decided to ask a few girls that I knew about such a situation. Some thought it was okay, others not. Again, just more evidence of the vaguenss of the social world. My opinion on the matter is that yeah I would definitely cuddle with a girl as long as were clear beforehand that we are just close friends and there isn’t anything romantic going on.

Combined with the second and third level of freedoms that I don’t need a girlfriend or friends to make me happy that I tell about in these posts: Second Level of Freedom, Third Level of Freedom I can now live without any fear. I used to be a person with a lot of fear and expectations of others. Now I have no expectations on anyone and the fear is gone. To this, I’ve uploaded a video on youtube that tells of my experiences living with autism: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_s1OpaVJo00&feature=youtu.be.

But all I can say with regards to this experience is OMG! It Happened!

 

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Comments on: "Fifth Level of Freedom: OMG! It Happened!" (2)

  1. You are absolutely right JC – what’s the point of worrying about the way you are being perceived by others?? and expectations of any sort?? Worrying only acts as a boundary from truly expressing oneself as they are!! And Real connection only happens when there are no boarders whatsoever. Keep on livin’ free!! No Fear ; just Love!!

    • Thanks so much, Rachel. As time passes, the more I’m able to “live free” as you put it and get rid of any expectations that I feel others have about me. Being rejected is never fun, but it leads you to do what you think is right even if you aren’t sure what others will think (at least for me).

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